When you miss your own cups and your own kitchen
Today marks exactly 4 month on the day, that I have left my home town Berlin on October 21st 2022
This Photo of my Berlin kitchen cupboard with my collection of favorite cups showed up on my Facebook memory today, only to cause an outburst of nostalgic tears. I know that I cannot and will not go back to my old life. Also its not possible. But now I clearly see what I am missing while being in foreign places and other peoples households.
While travelling and living in fancy places — some not so fancy like the one before this- I’m missing my Berlin home for real. Like for example my own collection of cups in my own kitchen where I could decide daily which suits my morning coffee ritual the most.
I miss riding my bicycle and going shopping in the local shops I love. My cafes…my old streets where I literally know every tree.
Today I’m out of Berlin exactly for 4 month and I live on a beautiful estate in Umbria. All is great. But I’m utterly unable to go and by myself new underwear, socks, cosmetics and everything I need like magnesium supplements, because everything is far far away.
I am having a real teary nostalgia moment when seing this photo. Is stearing up the supressed feeling that I miss a home. But a home is more then just things. Thats why I left. I had only things. But I also had the city. The city I loved minus the people.
.
All my losses happened during the long lockdown where I lost my clients. I could not afford a living. Will I ever be able to maintain a home again? Right now I’m starting to manifest new paid work…but a home to live in… where will it be? Will it be a new changed Berlin again? God only knows.
A home is more than just a place, our favorite things in the favorite setting. A home is also people. I did not have that in Berlin.
I really loved Berlin. The city as such, the parks, the “spiritus loci”. Not the people, not the politics. But the place, yes, very much. I felt it also loved me back.
The upcoming springs, the cherry trees in the parks wearing their bridal dress…it’s deeply inrooted in me but so far away. Where will my next home be and when? With whom? I don´t know,
