Fathers Day thoughts
I always badly missed good masculine energy in my life. I was not even aware how much until recently. I think all the bad shit in my life happens in utter lack of it.
No wonder, when your father is a women destroying dragon and your brother is an evil manipulative hating demon. There was no grandfather in my life. I always missed and wanted one, but he was long gone. I could watch grandfathers in the park for hours and wish one was mine. Walking with grand dad hand in hand was my little girls dream.
When I saw other girls with good dads I was sad and crying for days. I missed my real dad and I refused to accept that this scary man I was supposed to call dad was my father.
I felt rejected by the good masculine energy, but I was in fact just imprinted with the unspeakable evil that was going on in my family. I’m still curing a huge rejection wound that effects my life in many unfavourable ways. The men I pulled in as a grown up, in lack of knowing what good masculine energy is, are best served if I don’t mention them at all. Abusers and suckers in short form, not men.
It’s almost like, due to my upbringing I had a programmed dark magnet for these people. I did not know how to get rid of it. That’s why I decided to be single until I know how.
Once I dated this Dutch guy who was an abusive alcoholic. When I introduced him to my mother, she was fond of him and his sleazy manners. I told her that he gets very mean when he drinks. My mother flipped out on me telling me to stop being so selective and thinking I deserve someone special. Well mom I do! I always did and I will have someone special good, masculine and protective of me. Growing up among predators and meeting so many in life, I have been through a lot. You could say I am protecting myself. But that’s a sad lonley stance. It’s going to change soon I feel it.
Years ago I had this man who was my mentor in my branch of work. Well at least I thought he was. He mentored me until he profited from me, then he showed his predator face. I’m going to change this.
So here’s to all great grandfathers, good fathers who don’t harm their children, to good loving brothers who are supportive, true male friends, great uncles and real mentors! You all deserve special appreciation because you are a rare species. Happy Father’s Day!
